Day ONE

I don't think I've mentioned this yet, but I got approved for the surgery. I got the happy, about to go on vacation, just got a raise, insurance person when my request went through.

Juyly 27. Hiatal hernia repair, brand new band.

That makes today - DAY ONE - of the required 2 week liquid diet.

What is the purpose of this, you may ask. It is to shrink the liver. The liver is partially over the upper part of the stomach. It has to be retracted to perform this surgery. It is easier to retract, less fatty, less chance of accidental bleeding, if it has been pre-shrunk. This all helps the surgery go easier and faster.

And I am all for the easier, faster surgery.

I did something this morning that I have not done in the last 2 months. I got on the scale. It was not pretty. I knew I was gaining. My pants were starting to get tight again. Not a pleasant experience.

If nothing else it has proven to me that I am not able to maintain my weight without the lap band. I am just too hungry ALL THE TIME. I had gotten used to not having the feeling, and then feeling it again was overwhelming. And even though I would tell myself that nothing had really changed and I didn't need to eat that much, I couldn't stand feeling hungry ALL THE TIME. No matter how far I have come, how much I have lost, how much progress I have made - inside my head is still FAT and it looks like it always will be.

That makes me sad. I had always hoped that losing the weight, I would eventually think like a thin person.

So anyway, I gained. 21 pounds.

But I know I can do a liquid diet, because I did it before. And I did not cheat one single time. I was too scared too. I was convinced that my surgeon would be able to tell. That he would peek inside and see my fatty, not shrunk enough liver, and just say, no lap band for her! I know that is not the case. But just knowing I was able to do it before, makes me know that I can do it again.

I'll just be a little extra grumpy for a few days.